As my previous post outlining the sheer WTF*ckery of Topshop went down so well, I thought I’d do another one. Hell, I may even make this a bi-weekly feature on my blog. It’s actually pretty handy that Topshop do have a ‘new this week’ section on their website so I won’t get confused between the garments that are like a cross between a bad 80’s sci fi film and unicorn puke. Here goes nothin’…..
Acrobat Padded Velcro Trainers – £78
Padded….Velcro….Trainers….. I’m trying to find how to say what I’m thinking in a really politically correct term. But I’m afraid I can’t really. I’ll try though…. If I were still at school these would be what would be commonly known as ‘special’ shoes. For people who did not have the ability to do up laces, or may cause themselves an injury if they did not have padded footwear. This almost defers attention from the tin foil finish, when I say almost, it doesn’t. They’re disgusting. For £78 I’d prefer to fashion some footwear from a few old take away trays (after I’d spent the £78 ON the takeaway)
Moto Dip Dye Western Shirt – £38
Remember when you were little and got up to arts and crafts on the kitchen table under parental supervision? Sometimes your dad would lend you an old shirt which he wore for painting the living room. Well, to relive your crafty childhood look no further. If you don’t want to splurge for the effect though simply grab a bottle of bleach and throw it around like someone who wears velcro padded trainers for the same look.
Love Heart Leggings – £25
If these don’t have a giant Love Heart saying ‘Eat Me’ on the ass, I’m just not interested.
Mini Multi Aztec Leggings – £12
‘Mini’ leggings? Aren’t they just like, shorts? The pattern on these makes me think about Pat Sharp and Neil Buchanan, possibly having an acid induced slumber party with the Twins in Pat’s Fun House, eating a load of Rainbow Drops and getting their art on. I like things a bit ‘wacky’ but I certainly don’t like these.
*EDIT* It has been pointed out that these mini leggings (SHORTS) are actually from the Kids Section from Topshop. So don’t worry folks, at least there’s now hope that if we do catch someone wearing them it will be a child, so we CAN get Social Services involved.